At the risk of sounding like SJP in SITC – I’m beginning to wonder if it is really possible for to “have it all”. By that I mean: a good career, a loving relationship, children, family and friends – and more importantly, TIME for all of those things.
Obviously I need a job, I want a job, I like the feeling of contributing to a company or a firm’s or a teams success (not to mention that there are bills that must be paid). I think the key to that is finding something that you love to do. I still haven’t found that yet, but I’ve still got time and I’m trying to make the best of what I’ve got.
The parts to a good relationship can vary from person to person that you ask, as the necessities and requirements for each person is different. For me it’s one part B (yup, I really lucked out there, still trying to figure out how I got so lucky!) one part well, me, we really work together well and it seems like the rest just falls into place. Actually, our relationship is and always has been pretty easy going. Most of that is because, B is a patient, patient man and puts up with all of my idiosyncrasies. But, like most people, we find that it’s hard to spend time together, the good reconnecting time and everyone needs that. Now that school is in and that I’m taking a full load it’s even harder. Poor guy gets put to the wayside because I’ve got to study, and he gets it, in the long run it will all be worth it, but it’s really difficult now. Even when school isn’t in session, it’s always something, some other obligation pulling you in another direction; a work function, someone’s birthday, house cleaning, vet appointments, etc. the two days of the weekend tend to packed full fairly quickly. So how do you keep a relationship going strong for many years to come? I don’t know, but I’m glad I’ve got a great partner to help me figure it out.
Children. Kids. Babies. Grandchildren. Little ones. Padfoots. Ankle biters. Mini mo’s. Mini B’s. These are just a few of the names that various people have asked if we (B&I) would be having. This thought still seems so far away and still terrifying. Really. I can feel the beginnings of an anxiety attack coming on any time I really think about it. That is probably a good indicator that I am no way near ready to be a mommy. And again, this goes back to time. How do you work, find time for yourself, for your spouse and for your kids and time to sleep!?!?! Really? This all seems so foreign and strange to me. Moms, please tell me how you do this.
Family. Everyone who knows me, knows I adore my mommy. She is more like my BFF. And I love our mommy/daughter dates that we have. But even those seem few and far between our daily phone calls have turned into maybe once or twice a week. Again, life gets in the way. And when I’m with her, sometimes, I find myself too tired to really enjoy myself or I find myself treating her like a child and find her excitement or inability to understand something almost unbearable. I do NOT want to feel that. I’ve done this to myself, I put the weight of the world on my shoulders to the point that it makes me irritable towards those I love. Apparently I really enjoy being the martyr. So, how do I stop this pattern? Soliciting advice here.
riends. It seems that the time I get to see my friends is fewer and fewer. Yes, I am very much aware that we all have our own lives to lead. Some with children, some with other things occupying their time, and most doing what B & I do, enjoying spending time with one another as it doesn’t happen often. Yet, I find myself sometimes drifting apart from those I desire to be closer to. I find myself jealous of the time they are able to spend with one another without me, but is just because I miss them and love them and wish that I could spend more time with them.
So, how does one accomplish all of these things at once? How does one have an even distribution of time and energy to devote to each of these things? I look around and some seem like they have it down to a science and others do struggle. I realize that life isn’t perfect and that is the days you expect to go smoothly that the car ends up breaking down. But I guess it’s all about perspective. Great! How do I get some of that?
The Charlie Calendar Lives On!
2 months ago
You said "full load." ahhahahah. But seriously, how does one do it, that's a good question. I find myself feeling the same way about all of these things. I think the best way to do it is... one day at a time, while taking a minute (literally) or maybe two a day to stop and take it all in. Smile at the one you love, cross a thing off of a list, and give yourself credit for all that you do. After all, you are human. I find tons of inspiration in my friends, yes, even you, for all that you accomplish every day, while still managing to be your lovely self. I find inspiration in the friends who are moms and do it every single day. And even in blogs! I've found some lovely, creative, multi-tasking bloggers that I love to check in on daily because they inspire me.
ReplyDeleteI agree with D. Take it one day at a time. Life is overwhelming. Life is whizzing past us. If you can accomplish one thing every day, then there's something to that...even if it is, going into that job you hate, or making it to all of your classes. While you're in school and working full time and still trying to live your life and stay connected, it all seems like too much. School will be over soon, but your hubby, your mom, your friends will still be here to celebrate your accomplishments and hold your hand through to the next life change that occurs. Everything has a way of falling into place eventually.
ReplyDeletewhat's funny is after i read your post, my thoughts on the matter mirrored dana's in that you have to take one day at a time as to not become overwhelmed, but just a few hours later i had a mini-cry sesh at my desk cuz i was thinking about all the things i want (and i want them to happen effortlessly and NOW), and how they feel so out of reach. that having them occur simultaneously feels unrealistic and impossible.
ReplyDeletei've since regrouped and realized that like most, giving good advice is easier than following it, but after clearing my head it's truer than ever before---one day at a time. focus on what means the most to you right now, or what you think you need to do first in order to move on to the next important goal, and then (i think, i hope) balancing all them won't feel so impossible.
there are people who do it everyday, and we're in awe of their efforts, mostly because we feel like we don't have what it takes to do the same, but we do...we probably just all have our own way of getting to that place. and yes, inspiration from friends or just the people you admire definitely help you figure out how to forge that path!
and as cheesy as it may be that i'm about to quote a rolling stones song, i think there is great value in this sentiment---
"you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need."
xoxo!